Review: "Potted Meat"

Appearance: An ashen pink mush. Malleable, holds its form when sculpted.

Smell: The familiar fetid aroma of mixed-together, processed animal parts.Very SPAM-like, but more pungent, and much sweeter. The more I smelled it, the more nauseating it became.

Texture: Soft and mushy - also very gritty. Feels like it dissolves in your mouth but leaves behind grainy particles. Watery and scummy when microwaved, like the protein foam that floats up when you boil meat.

Taste: Fatty and cloying. The unmistakable taste of processed meat, but with a gush of sweetness and a hint of heat. A taste not found in nature, resembling neither chicken nor beef, as was advertised. The flavors intensify unpleasantly when heated. Primarily tested cold with crackers, but willing to try other pairings. More than several spoonfuls would probably cause food poisoning.

Verdict: If well-plated and dressed nicely, I think this could pass as a pâté for your less sophisticated friends and enemies. DO NOT MICROWAVE. Still testing other non-edible uses.